


Heavy

by crazy_voveriukas



Series: Healing [2]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Beginnings, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Mass Effect 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy_voveriukas/pseuds/crazy_voveriukas
Summary: Garrus just rejoined Shepard on the Normandy. He can't sleep. A few drinks won't hurt, will they?





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was inspired by listening to Linkin Park's "Heavy". I was thinking about grief, reunions, depression, and just thought of this. Hope you like it, please comment! English is not my first language and I rarely write so much, but I needed to get this of my chest.

Garrus was lying in the main battery. He set a cot for himself since he didn't feel comfortable sharing quarters with the Cerberus crew. Come to think of it, besides Joker and Dr Chakwas he didn't know anyone else on board and it made him feel uneasy. But he trusted Shepard and was ready to follow her wherever the path leads. 

The problem was that he still couldn't wrap his head around things, mainly her being alive. He was prepared to die on that bridge, even called his father. Is he alive? He had dreamed about getting back on the Normandy with Shepard for years but knew it impossible, yet here he was. 

EDI announced the commander was back on the ship but that was some two hours ago, and it was the night cycle already (well, night on Omega didn't mean much but the ship had to keep some schedule). He didn’t see her after he woke up in the medbay since she had to go out recruit Mordin Solus. There might have been mentions of a plague that kills turians and keeping a low profile because all the merc groups thought Archangel was dead. But Archangel was very much alive and burning with a desire for revenge and the need to see Shepard, just to be sure this is real. However, it was late and she must be exhausted and resting, so everything will just have to wait until the morning. 

He lay there for another 15min, feeling heavy and unable to sleep. He got up, put on a pair of trousers and a loose shirt. The night cycle meant no crew will be around to see him. He left the battery and headed towards the lounge. Hopefully they'd have some dextro drinks there. The good doctor would probably scold him for drinking after so much pain meds but he just didn't give a damn. 

When Garrus entered the lounge, two piercing eyes met his.

“Shepard... I didn't think anyone would be here, I didn't mean to...” but before he could finish the sentence he saw her move from the bar and into his arms. She... She hugged him. This was not what he was expecting from this evening or, ever, but he felt relief washing over him, so he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. Seeing her, feeling her breathing into his chest was all he needed – this was REAL. They were both alive and on the Normandy, and if they weren't, well, then death isn't that scary. Even though he enjoyed the moment this wasn't something Shepard did often, he hadn't seen her hug many people before.

“Shepard, is everything all right?” Garrus asked, cautiously. 

He felt a deep sigh coming from her and she pulled away. He missed the contact immediately and barely contained himself without expressing an audible disappointment. 

“No, Garrus, I'd say things are shit.” She started moving towards the bar, he followed. “But they are a bit better now that you are here and alive” she turned towards him and smiled. Garrus didn't know if a smile could look both happy and sad, yet somehow it seemed that way. His heart felt heavy in his chest.

Shepard went behind the bar and got a bottle of turian brandy for him, and whisky for herself. She motioned towards the couch where she settled. Again, Garrus followed, never taking his eyes off of her. It is then he actually noticed that she wasn't in her armour either. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. But what caught his attention were the scars – scars that covered her face, her arms, and her legs. He felt stupid for asking about his own face earlier that day. He didn't know it was that bad. It was then that he promised himself that he's not going to let anyone hurt her. Never. 

Shepard felt him looking at her and immediately felt extremely self-conscious. She tried covering up with her arms but gave up. 

“I heard some men find scars on women attractive – she looked at him, a coy smile on her face – though most of those men are probably krogan. Do you think Wrex is taken by this point?” 

Garrus laughed. 

“You stole my line, Shepard. I don't know about Wrex, but some turians are definitely partial to scars” 

Shepard chuckled.

“Are you trying to make me blush, Vakarian?” 

“Me? I would never, Commander” In reality, every time she laughed or smiled, the world seemed a little brighter. He took the bottle of brandy from her and settled by her side. 

“To being alive!” she toasted, before taking a long drink straight from the bottle. Garrus joined in, surprised that Cerberus had such good quality brandy on board. Though he couldn't quite ignore the bitterness in her voice and the emphasis on the word “alive”. So they sat there, quiet, a luxury neither of them had for some time. 

“I thought you'd be resting after the mission.” Garrus broke the silence.

“I'd been having trouble sleeping, ever since – she waved her hand in a circular motion as if trying to gather her thoughts – ever since I got resurrected. Every time I close my eyes I feel like I'm suffocating. If I fall asleep, well, the dreams don't offer any solace either.” She took another sip of whiskey. “And when I'm awake and not fighting, I think about what I've lost” the pain in her voice made Garrus' insides turn.“I died, Garrus... - she looked at him, a plea visible in her eyes – how do I even know if I am me?..”

There it was, that heaviness surrounding them, exposed. Garrus didn’t hesitate.

“You are you, Shepard – he placed his hand on her shoulder and looked directly into her eyes – for the past 2 years I hoped that the reports were wrong, that you were somewhere out there, alive. When you showed up on that bridge, well, I honestly thought I'm hallucinating from the lack of sleep and fatigue. But I woke up in the surgery and you were there. And you are here now, with me, on this couch, on the Normandy, and it feels real, YOU are real.” Shepard took a deep breath and placed her hand over his. This contact sent shivers down his body. So much time had passed, so many things left unsaid, and yet, so familiar again. 

“Thank you, Garrus…” She smiled. “But what happened, how did you end up on Omega with all the mercs trying to kill you?”

“I went to Omega to make a difference, some difference at least. That involves criminals not being very happy. Had a team of good people with me. But one of them, Sidonis, got caught and betrayed us. He lured me away while the mercs ambushed my team and killed them all. So I thought I won't go down without taking a few of them with me.” He clenched his fist.

“I'm sorry, Garrus. I... I saw the body bags when we were trying to get to you. I'm really sorry…” Shepard put the bottle down and cupped his face with her free hand. Garrus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. 

They probably weren’t supposed to be doing this, but why did it feel so right then? He felt a slight relief talking about what happened with someone, with her. They have both been through hell yet here they are, in the comfort of each other's company. 

“Did you find Sidonis?” she asked.

“No, he left Omega. But I will track him down.” He couldn't contain the anger in his voice.

“Let me know if I can help.” - said the Commander, determined to right all the wrongs in the world. 

“Thank you, Shepard, but it's something I need to do myself, at least at the moment.” He took another sip of the brandy. She nodded in understanding. 

Both of them were carrying a heavy burden, he felt, but it didn't seem so heavy no more. He was deep in his thoughts when he felt Shepard place her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her. “Home” - he thought. This was the moment when he made another promise to himself, a promise to help ease the pain she's carrying in any way that he can. And he felt that he never wanted to let go. There was so much he still wanted to say, so much that she needed to say as well…

The ship-wide morning alarm caught him by surprise. Shepard stood up right away and this time he voiced his displeasure at the loss of contact by making a soft growling sound. He didn't mean to and cursed to himself. Shepard noticed that and gave him a coy smile. 

“Why, Vakarian, I didn't know you like me like THAT.” She grinned, stepped closer and placed a kiss on his forehead. “I was dead for 2 years, so I'm not planning to miss anything again but Commander duty calls - she sighed - see you around, Vakarian.” 

“I'll be there when you need me, Commander.” He said, not sure about what just happened. Shepard winked at him and left the lounge. 

Wait, was that? Did she? He lifted his hand and touched his forehead. Well, that was DEFINITELY not how he thought the night would go. All he expected was to drink himself to sleep, but the night ended with a sense of hope – not missing anything again. He chuckled and for the first time in what seemed like years, he felt a little more peaceful. 

Garrus stood up and made his way back to the Main Battery – he didn't want the Cerberus crew to see him. When the doors closed behind him, things didn't seem so heavy anymore.


End file.
